Listening: to my Mood playlist on Spotify. Perfectly fitting as of late. It is the right amount of relaxing with a hint of rap and rock. 

Reading: What We Talk About When We Talk About God by Rob Bell. A book we will be discussing in my church group. Hearing perspectives from an older generation, most of whom have lost a loved one, on religion is fascinating. This is not a typical read.

Doing: fall cleaning. Making sure all the plants are watered and the lawn looks nice. Cleaning up after our cats who have decided they hate us and peeing on dog beds is the perfect revenge. Also, trying to tackle the never ending pile of laundry.

Playing: ultimate frisbee, soccer, and kickball. Because playing just one sport is boring.

Hating: the fact that I feel like I am incapable of making friends. Lately, I have been left wondering if I am a hard person to be friends with. Am I mean? Am I too mouthy?Am I too talkative?  Seriously, why won't people befriend me? Loneliness sucks.

Loving: a mini working vacation to Savannah this weekend. I get to see the parental units and maybe bring back some cool items from my brother's house that he is selling. Also getting to show Alex around Savannah which will be interesting since Hurricane Matthew showed up last week.

Preparing: to get my life together. I am 30 now, turns out it just doesn't happen overnight at a certain age you actually have to work at it. Bummer.

Feeling: overwhelmed and grateful. My list of goals and things to tackle keeps piling up leaving me frazzled. But I've been feeling extra grateful to have Alex in my life. We make a pretty great team and I am excited to see how we handle the future and kids. These next few years are going to be a roller coaster.

Recently, I had to apologize. Normally, this wouldn't be a big deal but in this particular case it was difficult. It was difficult because this person is important to someone I love and I don't want to lose them. It was difficult because what caused all of this was their actions that actually hurt my feelings. It was difficult because I was trying to handle this situation in an adult manner and was met with defensiveness and disbelief. I was left feeling like the attacker.

I don't understand it and I know I won't. I thought I was being the bigger person by apologizing but after reading a series of articles, on the proper way to apologize, I realized there is no "bigger person". All it is, simply, is realizing that your words or actions hurt someone and then apologizing for that no matter how a disagreement shapes out. In my case, telling someone how their words made me feel resulted in their feelings getting hurt. My intentions were only to make them realize the repercussions of their words and how they affect people. However, through these words I hurt someone. So I apologized. I apologized for how I made them feel and I also said I would strive to solve issues like this in a better manner in the future.

Do I think this person understands anything I said, no. I think this is just who they are. But in order to maintain good relationships I must go forward and strive to be a better human. One that can maintain a level head, one that can put myself in others shoes, or strive to understand someone else's point of view, and one that knows when to be silent and when to push for change.

I have learned that you won't always get along or agree with everyone but through words and actions you can try to find a common ground or a place of respect. It isn't easy but no one said it was going to be.

I have owned my home for almost a year now. The only decorating that has been done has been done with the help and guidance of my mother. She has fabulous taste that reflects my own and I have relied on that taste for 29 years. The thing I face now is, how do I trust my own eye and intuition?