Later that night, sitting in bed rubbing Alex's feet with Vaseline and putting socks on them so his feet might be a little less rough, I translated my thoughts to him. I came to the conclusion that maybe the reason I complain is because every time I used to work out there was a pressure to perform and be the best. Soccer revolved around making times and beating others. The pressure I was put under was hard but the pressure I put on myself was worse. The fear of somehow not finishing in time or not being the best was crippling. So, I would complain that way the end results didn't matter as much, at least to me. And here I am today, still trying to find reasons why I can't do or finish things.
Why can't I be ok with being second best? Why can't I put myself in the mind frame to start small and work my way up? Why can't I start my workouts like I finish? Strong and determined.
I want to be successful at all things but can't with the attitude I have now. I hope to be more aware of my thoughts and what comes out of my mouth from now on. I will also work on being encouraging and feeding my mind and the people around me with motivation and positivity. One day my normal reaction wont be to complain but instead to say let's do this!