These last couple of weeks have been exceptionally rough. I have felt very overwhelmed, unmotivated, anxious, sad, so very sad, and exhausted. I am not quite sure if I am ready to share the details of these past two weeks yet because to think about it hurts my heart and makes me cry. But I will say, I put one of my best friends, Bijoux Beans, to sleep.
My brother, Miles, wrote me a very sweet note and attached a poem with it to help comfort me. I have read it several times since and find myself sobbing but smiling too. It reminds me to think of the wonderful memories, reiterate the fact that I made the right decision and be happy that one day we will reunite.
I stood beside your bed last night, I came to have a peep.
I could see that you were crying, you found it hard to sleep.
I whined to you softly, as you brushed away a tear.
"It's me, I haven't left you, I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here."
I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea.
You were thinking of the many times your hands reached down to me.
I was with you at the shops today, your arms were getting sore.
I want to take your parcels, I wished I could do more.
I was with you at my grave today, you tend it with such care.
I want to reassure you that I'm not lying there.
I walked with you towards the house as you fumbled for the key,
I gently put my paw on you, I smiled and said "It's me."
You looked so very tired and then you sank into a chair,
I tried so hard to let you know that I was standing there.
It's possible for me to be so near you every day,
To say to you with certainty "I never went away."
You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew,
That in the stillness of the evening I was very close to you.
The day is over...I smile and watch you yawning and say,
"Good night, sweet dreams, God bless, I'll see you in the morning."
And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide,
I'll rush to greet you and we'll stand together side by side.
I have so many things to show you , there's much for you to see.
Be patient, live your journey out; then come home and be with me.
I love you and miss you so very very much, Bijoux Beans.