Mediocrity and Life


I multitask. The problem, much like anything I do, I want to be the very best not just at one thing but everything I do. It must go with my competitive nature but I never seem to be satisfied with my results. Sure I am happy with myself when I do well but there is a pressure I put on myself to go above and beyond. Lately, it seems I am drowning in a sea of mediocrity and life itself. I am struggling to maintain my sanity and balance. So when my boyfriend Alex told me the other day “not to spread myself too thin” I took a step back and exhaled.

I took his advice. I have started reorganizing, setting priorities, and trying to find the little accomplishments/improvements in my activities. It is not easy. A big decision was to not foster another dog right now. I wish this wasn’t the case but I know that soon my Ultimate Frisbee club season will start and we travel a lot. This would mean I would constantly be passing my foster off to be babysat by my parents or some other volunteer with the rescue and that is really unfair to both them and my foster. Plus, seeing as my personal Theodore is having surgery soon to have three possibly four tumors removed and then seeing what our next steps will be I felt it important to spend my energy and time nurturing my pups. Realizing now, that they are seniors and my quality time with them is not in abundance.

On top of that I am participating in some form of physical activity every day of the week EXCEPT Fridays (so far). My schedule goes something like this:

(Keep in mind this schedule doesn’t include much of my life. It would be too hard to capture.)
It about kills me when I go to ballet class. I love ballet so much and it is extremely challenging but being in a leotard isn’t exactly a self-esteem booster and then struggling with the fact that I am not good at it anymore. Simple but hard truth. You can’t go almost seventeen years not dancing and expect to pick up right where you left off. So, I am taking little accomplishments in my classes like being able to balance in passé or plié without breaking my line. It is infuriating but simultaneously brings me such a high.

Then you have Ultimate Frisbee, a sport I am not even extremely passionate about but that I enjoy. It feels like it consumes my life sometimes and for me to have such little passion for it seems like a shame. Every day I go to practice or play I am on edge because I am not playing better or because the self-regulated games seems ridiculous. Plus it doesn’t help there isn’t an outlet for frustration. After all it is a spirit of the game sport. Yet, it is easy on my calves and I can play with little pain and I seriously love some of my teammates and the people I have met through it. It doesn’t hurt that Alex plays and will be on my team this year too.

Maybe I am feeling too much. Is that possible? Either way I am working on things. One that is on the list is blogging. But wanting to blog more and making time to blog more are two separate things. Kind of grateful I don’t have kids. How do you make time for other things in your life? Finding myself constantly on the go, I worry if the people I am spending time with in-between are really getting quality time with me. But that is another topic for another day. I feel like I should end this with “dear diary”.

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