I complain when I workout. It's something I have known about myself but never really thought much of because well... I didn't care. Yesterday, Alex and I went to the middle school track and field and met up with some friends. We were going to do a track workout. Eight 400's to be exact. We would sprint one 400 jog the next and so on till we had done eight laps. As we were warming up I kept saying there is no way I am going to be able to do this. During the workout I found myself complaining about my legs and cramps and at one point I thought to myself just shut up! But I didn't. Then as we were rounding the corner of the last sprint lap I found myself turning to my friend and saying let's finish this one strong. Seriously, those words came out of my mouth.

Later that night, sitting in bed rubbing Alex's feet with Vaseline and putting socks on them so his feet might be a little less rough, I translated my thoughts to him. I came to the conclusion that maybe the reason I complain is because every time I used to work out there was a pressure to perform and be the best. Soccer revolved around making times and beating others. The pressure I was put under was hard but the pressure I put on myself was worse. The fear of somehow not finishing in time or not being the best was crippling. So, I would complain that way the end results didn't matter as much, at least to me. And here I am today, still trying to find reasons why I can't do or finish things.

Why can't I be ok with being second best? Why can't I put myself in the mind frame to start small and work my way up? Why can't I start my workouts like I finish? Strong and determined.

I want to be successful at all things but can't with the attitude I have now. I hope to be more aware of my thoughts and what comes out of my mouth from now on. I will also work on being encouraging and feeding my mind and the people around me with motivation and positivity. One day my normal reaction wont be to complain but instead to say let's do this!

Hi, my name is Caitlin Gallagher, I am 27 years old and I still don't have my shit together.

I judged my older brother, Ryan, when he was 25. He was working odd jobs and had no real passion for what he was doing. He had a million different ideas of what he wanted to do but couldn't seem to narrow any of it down. Being a 20/21 year old at the time, I thought to myself - no way was I going to end up like him. Fast forward seven years. He is now a firefighter, LOVES his job and works way too much. I am going on four years at my job and still wondering what the hell I want to do with my life.

Now-a-days it is easier to see people taking their passions and turning them into a career and because of this I feel more pressure to really discover what it is that I want to do. But why? What is wrong with having another "corporate job"? I sit in/walk around my office and I wonder...is this what my coworkers wanted to be? Are they happy? Who knows.

What I do know is that I need to be comfortable with where I am now, this in-between period. That it is fine not to have all the answers. I must continue to be open-minded and actively searching for new opportunities because in time something will strike a chord. And when it does to take that chance, to not get crippled by the fear of failure but have faith in myself and my abilities. Life has a funny way of working out, I need to trust in that.

My coworker and friend Lisa started blogging recently, you can see her blog here. It is exciting and refreshing to have someone I know go through the blogging experience with me. I started blogging two years ago and only in Lisa joining and being the overachiever that she is, is what has made me get my ass in gear and start writing more posts.

The thing that I struggle with is coming across as who I am IRL (I seriously cant believe I just used blogger language). I want to process and get my thoughts and personality across on this blog but I don't also want to come off as a giant bitch. Fine line, if you ask me. I can be extremely sarcastic and sometimes in writing, much like in text, things can be taken the wrong way. It all depends on how the reader interprets the words you write. Scary. Probably one of the reasons I am one for talking on the phone. Alex and I have a picture we use sometimes to let the other one know we are not sure how to take the last said statement.


Anyway, I am working harder at bringing my personality out through my posts. I have a few ideas in the works one that includes my blog title and the reason behind it. Hopefully not everyone that reads this will be offended but hey, we can't all be winners.

I never would have thought that finding my niche would be so damn difficult. I'd like to go on the record saying that I have yet to find it but I am still actively pursuing it. I am curious to know how other people found theirs, when they found it and how they knew they had? Is it a feeling? Is it something you stumble upon? Or did life events all lead you to this moment?

Maybe I'll never find it but I am kind of tired of going through the motions of life. Yes, there are times when my life is extremely memorable and is filled with happiness and laughter and others that are the exact opposite. I understand that life can't be filled with these moments all the time but I do want to have some drive. Until I find it, I will continue to push myself into learning new things and force myself into more awkward situations.

Side note: I love awkward moments. I think I was more awkward when I was younger but I didn't realize at the time how awkward I really was. And by that I mean how BADASS I was. Really regret not holding onto the spectacles below.

I would like to think of myself as a good sport but since I can remember I have always been a pretty sore loser. In ballet I always wanted the best roles, I was driven and would work extremely hard to accomplish some of those roles. Like Clara in the Nutcracker:


Picked to dance in Mozartiana with  Susan Jaffe: (I am the one staring at Susan Jaffe dancing when I should be looking like the other dancers)


Wanting to come in first at our annual Schiliterbahn Raging River Tube Shoot:


When I first started out in soccer wanting to score every goal imaginable:


Coming in second place every year in state, hitting the cross bar more than anyone EVER:


And then pushing myself to get a college soccer scholarship where I would only be almost average compared to my teammates:

Now that I am in the working world I play sports for "recreation" and I constantly find myself walking the line between fun and competitiveness  I think it is a family trait seeing as my almost 90 year old grandma complains about all the "old people" that can't bowl. However, I think maybe by the time I am 30 I will be able to lose at a sport and not have a bitter taste in my mouth and NOT feel the urge to want to beat some people up.

1. My name is Margaret Caitlin Claire Gallagher. I am super slightly obsessed with my name and my initials. If I could monogram everything I would. 
2. I did ballet for 8 years of my life and loved every minute of it. If I could go back in time I would probably continue to pursue ballet.
3. I gave up ballet for soccer. I played soccer in college and learned a lot of tough lessons through that.
4. I had exercise induced compartment syndrome in my calves and had to have surgery. I have two scars on each legs and can be pretty self conscious about it.
5. I love to travel. It is amazing and wonderful to learn about other cultures and incorporate some of their traditions/styles/ways of life into your own.
6. I have three brothers. Two older and one younger. They all at one time or another were dressed up as pretty pretty princess. 
7. I love awkward moments. Not particularly during them but after I get all smiley and giggley and wish they would happen more often. 
8. One dream in my life is to go ghost hunting. Legit ghost hunting that is. Give me EVP's, EMF meters, thermal energy cameras...the whole shabang! *
9. I am sarcastic and competitive. A little bit too competitive at times. But hey its all in good fun....right?
10. I am terrified of jellyfish. Didn't even realize I had this phobia till I was in the water during a vacation to the Bahamas. Picture me snorkeling, while everyone is looking at fish, I am on jellyfish alert. Then they would hear me scream under water turn around and see me hightailing it back to the beach. I, however, held a jellyfish (none stinging) in Thailand. I am all about somewhat facing my fears.

These past couple of weeks have dragged on and on and on. It makes me wonder how people muster up so much energy. Thank God I haven't come down with the flu that has been going around yet. Some of the highlights throughout the past couple of weeks have been:

1. My foster Theodore completed his Heartworm Treatment!
2. Got some packages I have been waiting for in the mail.
3. My workouts have been kicking my ass but I am feeling better.
4. Getting some presents ready for friends.
5. Saving more and more money for my trip in April.
6. Spending a little quality time with my grandma.

Have you ever looked at your life and thought, how did I get here? I had that epiphany today. It was nothing special, just a realization that maybe I have been off for say the past few years. Now, it's nothing drastic or huge but more subtle. I think it started my senior year of college when I hit a rough patch, I was not playing soccer, my boyfriend at the time was moving away, all my friends were still busy with soccer, I was getting closer to graduation and had no plans for the future. All of this led to my last year of college filled with stress, traveling and complications with my then boyfriend. This carried on after college, finding a job, a long distance relationship, not having my friends around, going through a break-up....you get the picture. I ended up landing a job and reuniting with some friends I had here but I guess I never re-cooperated back to the person I used to be.

Yes, we change it is a part of life. Events, people, choices all help to mold us into the people we are today but are we not allowed to take with us some of our old self? I liked the old me. I was happy, a little too confident, passionate, and didn't let opportunities pass me by. Looking back over the past few years I feel like I lost sight of those things and became a shell of myself.

2013 though brought out this hidden part of me that had been tucked away and forgotten. I started back into my former habits, working out, being more social, being more productive, making cards, and feeling a little more confident in myself every day. I am embracing the converging of my old and new self and am ecstatic to see where the rest of this year takes me. I am ready for it!

I mean, I am ready to be badass again! Need proof, see below: